redwoodalchan (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
redwoodalchan) wrote2013-11-11 10:33 pm
redwoodalchan) wrote2013-11-11 10:33 pm
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Awkward Fanfic Theatre Entry #1: What Pretty Girls Get
Aaand, the first ever entry in the Awkward Fanfic Theatre is…
Title: What Pretty Girls Get
Author: GoodbyeCrimson
Fandom: Shiki
Pairings: MasaoXMegumi
Warnings: Abuse
Summary: “MasaoxMegumi.Oneshot.Megumi's always been prettier than Kaori...so why does she get the feeling that the plain-faced girl has something she doesn't? And why is she starting to enjoy hanging out with that creep Masao...?”
*
In light of my sporking “The Giver,” I thought it was good to weigh in on a “Shiki” fanfic of a somewhat different color. This story is the only fanfic shipping Masao and Megumi in the Pit, and before I started writing for the “Shiki” fandom it was the only fanfic that even featured Masao at all, which may be one reason why I took to it despite its obvious flaws. But the flaws are not as simple as they appear to be at first.
I guess it’s only fair to preface this by saying that I don’t actually ship Masao and Megumi together, or at least not seriously. The reason for this is that I really just don’t think they’re compatible mates: it’s pretty obvious that Masao’s feelings for Megumi are entirely one-sided, and that even if those two did get together they’d just make each other miserable. Besides that, the implications of their getting together are…kinda creepy, if you really think about it, and this is true no matter how you look at it. On the one hand, you have poor Masao dating a beautiful but assholish and violent girl who treats him like shit, and whom he must allow to abuse him and never fight back. On the other hand, you have poor Megumi stuck dating a guy who’s clearly nowhere near good enough for her, because his happiness is more important than her standards. And either one is the sort of thing I don’t want in a romantic relationship. I bring this up for reasons which will become clear by the end of my analysis.
Now, if you couldn’t guess from that summary up there, the writing in this story is not all that spectacular. It’s not the worst writing I’ve seen, but I wouldn’t call it good. Here’s a sample:
Cutting through the dark the two undead teenagers sent out for the sweet life-blood of the village’s inhabitants. Before she was a shiki, Megumi never would have disgraced herself with Masao’s company, but things were different under the cloak of midnight and the watchful eye of the moon. “Go on, Masao.” Megumi urged, licking her lips in anticipation. So this louse will make his move tonight… She thought as she and Masao sat in a tree outside a second story window of his house. The sound of his family clattered within, teasing the outcast they wouldn’t even morn.
Given that the writing in this story is mediocre at best, I had low expectation for the way the characters would turn out—but actually, their characterizations in this fic are fine. In fact, the characterization is easily the best thing about this fic. Megumi is not only in-character, but written really well—her proud, strong-willed side is captured perfectly in this:
Despite her excessive pride, Megumi wasn’t entirely wrong in believing that no one in the world could compare to her. She was strong, independent, determined, and unhesitating. She wouldn’t be held back by the hum-drum morals everyone else in the village held so dear. She saw the world for what it was: an oyster for the taking…. She saw what was true, her own desires, and fought for them. She hadn’t asked to become a shiki, but she made the most of it.
as is her possessiveness toward Natsuno and jealousy toward Kaori:
What? Did she just say boyfriend? Kaori has a boyfriend? I’ve only been dead a few months…when did that happen? Megumi’s brow furrowed. Wait…Didn’t Tatsumi say she’s been around Yuuki lately…? That…That bitch! She couldn’t… she couldn’t have possibly…? Now that I’m dead…she went and stole Yuuki!
If I have one complaint about this little passage, it’s that I don’t think it took Megumi this long to come to that conclusion.
Masao’s characterization is mostly fine too, though that’s harder to judge, since he’s not really the POV character for most of the work. The author captures his unwillingness to kill well, and his interactions with Megumi feel like the ones that happened in canon. This, for the record, is no mean feat. When I spoke to voice actors Todd Haberkorn and Mike McFarland at Tora-Con last year, they admitted that they thought Masao was the most difficult “Shiki” character to play (granted, I haven’t entirely dismissed the possibility that that was a euphemism they fed me because I said something positive about Masao), but both he and Megumi are incredibly complex, multifaceted characters that are well-nigh impossible to fake (and I can say that from experience, as I’ve recently finished sporking a fic by someone who tried!). This author knows her shit—she knows who these characters are and she knows how to capture their personalities and motivations.
I guess if I have one complaint about the presentation of these characters, it’s that Megumi makes a big deal about how she was ostracized by the village community, who prefer Kaori over her. This may be true to an extent in canon, but not in the way this fic lets on, and while I could let this slide if it were clear that this was just Megumi’s opinion, it seems like we’re meant to view it as an objective statement of fact that Megumi has “never been loved.” This is patently untrue—there’s no evidence that Megumi’s family, at least, treated her with anything other than love, and when Megumi’s dad discovers Chizuru, his response is to wish to kill her to avenge Megumi’s death (“THIS WOMAN KILLED MY MEGUMIIIII! SHE’S THE REASON I LOST MY DAUGHTEERRRRRRRRR!”).
Of course, once you get past that, this story really has very little to offer anyone who doesn’t ship MasaoXMegumi. The story doesn’t adhere to canon to the letter, though it captures the spirit of canon well enough; and nothing really happens in the story beyond Megumi and Masao deciding that maybe they should give this whole romance thing a try together. I guess the fact that Megumi later acknowledges that people like Kaori because she’s nice and content to be “average” makes it mildly different, but that’s really where the good points end and the creepiness begins.
See, this fic never actually ignores the fact that Megumi abuses Masao. At one point it outright calls Megumi an “abusive vixen.” They never really resolve this point—the story ends with Masao being surprised that Megumi doesn’t attack him when he tries kissing her, and the last line is as follows:
Pretty girls don’t end up with princes. They end up with artless virgins.
That right there is the central problem with this story. This author is aware of the obvious problems in their relationship: she’s aware that Megumi is abusive to Masao ("He stood up awkwardly, knowing she would probably punch him if he acted incorrectly"), she’s aware that Megumi is so much more attractive than Masao could ever hope to be ("He was hideous and she was a virtual goddess…"), and she’s aware that Megumi basically thinks Masao is weak and useless because he’s unwilling to kill people:
“Then you should kill them, idiot.” Megumi pointed out matter-of-factly, as though his only option was obvious.
“I know, Shimizu…” He whined, “but…”
“It’s easier to run, is that it?” Megumi jumped down from the tree. “Fine. Whatever.”
And yet, despite recognizing these problems for what they are…she instead turns around and argues that these obvious and uncomfortable flaws are totally a sign that Megumi and Masao are meant to be!
She was the best she could be, but extraordinary girls don’t end up with equally prideful princes. They end up with people who can understand them, manage their dominance and respect their strength. They end up with people who won’t laugh at their occasional flaws, but silently console them and know that their feelings are the same.
…Say what, GoodbyeCrimson?!
Title: What Pretty Girls Get
Author: GoodbyeCrimson
Fandom: Shiki
Pairings: MasaoXMegumi
Warnings: Abuse
Summary: “MasaoxMegumi.Oneshot.Megumi's always been prettier than Kaori...so why does she get the feeling that the plain-faced girl has something she doesn't? And why is she starting to enjoy hanging out with that creep Masao...?”
*
In light of my sporking “The Giver,” I thought it was good to weigh in on a “Shiki” fanfic of a somewhat different color. This story is the only fanfic shipping Masao and Megumi in the Pit, and before I started writing for the “Shiki” fandom it was the only fanfic that even featured Masao at all, which may be one reason why I took to it despite its obvious flaws. But the flaws are not as simple as they appear to be at first.
I guess it’s only fair to preface this by saying that I don’t actually ship Masao and Megumi together, or at least not seriously. The reason for this is that I really just don’t think they’re compatible mates: it’s pretty obvious that Masao’s feelings for Megumi are entirely one-sided, and that even if those two did get together they’d just make each other miserable. Besides that, the implications of their getting together are…kinda creepy, if you really think about it, and this is true no matter how you look at it. On the one hand, you have poor Masao dating a beautiful but assholish and violent girl who treats him like shit, and whom he must allow to abuse him and never fight back. On the other hand, you have poor Megumi stuck dating a guy who’s clearly nowhere near good enough for her, because his happiness is more important than her standards. And either one is the sort of thing I don’t want in a romantic relationship. I bring this up for reasons which will become clear by the end of my analysis.
Now, if you couldn’t guess from that summary up there, the writing in this story is not all that spectacular. It’s not the worst writing I’ve seen, but I wouldn’t call it good. Here’s a sample:
Cutting through the dark the two undead teenagers sent out for the sweet life-blood of the village’s inhabitants. Before she was a shiki, Megumi never would have disgraced herself with Masao’s company, but things were different under the cloak of midnight and the watchful eye of the moon. “Go on, Masao.” Megumi urged, licking her lips in anticipation. So this louse will make his move tonight… She thought as she and Masao sat in a tree outside a second story window of his house. The sound of his family clattered within, teasing the outcast they wouldn’t even morn.
Given that the writing in this story is mediocre at best, I had low expectation for the way the characters would turn out—but actually, their characterizations in this fic are fine. In fact, the characterization is easily the best thing about this fic. Megumi is not only in-character, but written really well—her proud, strong-willed side is captured perfectly in this:
Despite her excessive pride, Megumi wasn’t entirely wrong in believing that no one in the world could compare to her. She was strong, independent, determined, and unhesitating. She wouldn’t be held back by the hum-drum morals everyone else in the village held so dear. She saw the world for what it was: an oyster for the taking…. She saw what was true, her own desires, and fought for them. She hadn’t asked to become a shiki, but she made the most of it.
as is her possessiveness toward Natsuno and jealousy toward Kaori:
What? Did she just say boyfriend? Kaori has a boyfriend? I’ve only been dead a few months…when did that happen? Megumi’s brow furrowed. Wait…Didn’t Tatsumi say she’s been around Yuuki lately…? That…That bitch! She couldn’t… she couldn’t have possibly…? Now that I’m dead…she went and stole Yuuki!
If I have one complaint about this little passage, it’s that I don’t think it took Megumi this long to come to that conclusion.
Masao’s characterization is mostly fine too, though that’s harder to judge, since he’s not really the POV character for most of the work. The author captures his unwillingness to kill well, and his interactions with Megumi feel like the ones that happened in canon. This, for the record, is no mean feat. When I spoke to voice actors Todd Haberkorn and Mike McFarland at Tora-Con last year, they admitted that they thought Masao was the most difficult “Shiki” character to play (granted, I haven’t entirely dismissed the possibility that that was a euphemism they fed me because I said something positive about Masao), but both he and Megumi are incredibly complex, multifaceted characters that are well-nigh impossible to fake (and I can say that from experience, as I’ve recently finished sporking a fic by someone who tried!). This author knows her shit—she knows who these characters are and she knows how to capture their personalities and motivations.
I guess if I have one complaint about the presentation of these characters, it’s that Megumi makes a big deal about how she was ostracized by the village community, who prefer Kaori over her. This may be true to an extent in canon, but not in the way this fic lets on, and while I could let this slide if it were clear that this was just Megumi’s opinion, it seems like we’re meant to view it as an objective statement of fact that Megumi has “never been loved.” This is patently untrue—there’s no evidence that Megumi’s family, at least, treated her with anything other than love, and when Megumi’s dad discovers Chizuru, his response is to wish to kill her to avenge Megumi’s death (“THIS WOMAN KILLED MY MEGUMIIIII! SHE’S THE REASON I LOST MY DAUGHTEERRRRRRRRR!”).
Of course, once you get past that, this story really has very little to offer anyone who doesn’t ship MasaoXMegumi. The story doesn’t adhere to canon to the letter, though it captures the spirit of canon well enough; and nothing really happens in the story beyond Megumi and Masao deciding that maybe they should give this whole romance thing a try together. I guess the fact that Megumi later acknowledges that people like Kaori because she’s nice and content to be “average” makes it mildly different, but that’s really where the good points end and the creepiness begins.
See, this fic never actually ignores the fact that Megumi abuses Masao. At one point it outright calls Megumi an “abusive vixen.” They never really resolve this point—the story ends with Masao being surprised that Megumi doesn’t attack him when he tries kissing her, and the last line is as follows:
Pretty girls don’t end up with princes. They end up with artless virgins.
That right there is the central problem with this story. This author is aware of the obvious problems in their relationship: she’s aware that Megumi is abusive to Masao ("He stood up awkwardly, knowing she would probably punch him if he acted incorrectly"), she’s aware that Megumi is so much more attractive than Masao could ever hope to be ("He was hideous and she was a virtual goddess…"), and she’s aware that Megumi basically thinks Masao is weak and useless because he’s unwilling to kill people:
“Then you should kill them, idiot.” Megumi pointed out matter-of-factly, as though his only option was obvious.
“I know, Shimizu…” He whined, “but…”
“It’s easier to run, is that it?” Megumi jumped down from the tree. “Fine. Whatever.”
And yet, despite recognizing these problems for what they are…she instead turns around and argues that these obvious and uncomfortable flaws are totally a sign that Megumi and Masao are meant to be!
She was the best she could be, but extraordinary girls don’t end up with equally prideful princes. They end up with people who can understand them, manage their dominance and respect their strength. They end up with people who won’t laugh at their occasional flaws, but silently console them and know that their feelings are the same.
…Say what, GoodbyeCrimson?!
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Seriously, if I had a dollar for every abuse-apologist story I found, I'd be rich! D: